It's Not the Game, It's the People in It

Before I begin, this is a great post from Heather on how colleges are beginning to knock themselves over in a rush to court homeschoolers.

Heather mentioned how she’s received comments from others about how wonderfully behaved her kids are. Both Liam and Ewan earn comments like that and before I silently say “Thanks God, for helping me not to SCREW UP THEIR LIVES,” my head swells up real big, forcing those standing near me to back away slowly, and I feel very smug.

You ALL feel the same way too, don’t lie.

Liam is often complimented on his mammoth vocabulary. A typical Liam sentence goes something like this:

(Sitting at the dinner table)

LIAM: “Mom, I don’t actually think that this dinner looks delicious. I prefer cookies.”

DANA: “That is very rude to say. Yes, it actually is delicious and you will eat it and like it if you try it.”

LIAM: “FINE. But I will think about how much I don’t like it in my head where you can’t hear me.”

I’m always impressed.

The boys are complimented on their behavior, especially Liam’s easiness around others. He is the kid who will go up to a group of strange kids, introduce himself, and somehow become the leader. He can also carry on a conversation with someone his grandparents’ age and lead the prayer at a large holiday table. He’s not shy, he’s certainly not inept socially.

As they mature, I’m witnessing coveted character traits emerge from both. Liam is the first kid to help out; I always remember one of his soccer games from last year where he had control of the ball and was heading for the goal. At that moment, one of his teammates was hit and fell to the ground. Liam completely abandoned the ball and rushed to his teammate’s side, even waved his arms and shouted at the refs to stop the game. His team scored the point, but he didn’t care. I nearly blinded everyone on the field with my ridiculously beaming pride.
Those are the kind of kids I aim to raise.
Kids who care more about the players in the game than the game itself.

Every time I receive a compliment my heart does a little soft shoe number. I know that I’m doing the right thing, I know that our hour-long lessons in the late morning are paying off, that our chosen way of life is having an effect. When I hear Ewan, two yesterday, sing his ABC’s or count to ten, I feel validated, grateful. When Liam can tell me about Renaissance monarchies, their dress, customs, as well as add and subtract at five-ears-old, more validation, more thanksgiving.

I live in these moments as a way to fend off the aforementioned things like this, or this.  As a way to keep on track. Keep motivated. Most of all, to remind myself to be grateful.

The Socialization Factor

The most-asked question I get regarding homeschooling is “How will your kids get any social interaction?” The majority of the time it isn’t a question so much as it is a declare-ogative, wherein someone asks a question when really they mean to state “My gawd, your kids are going to grow up to be freaks.”

I got a bunch of mail last week blasting me for choosing to teach my kids at home. One of my favorite responses came in comment form:

“I'm curious, what is your reason for homeschooling? Is it because you don't want to let go of him? Or maybe you're worried about letting him be around other children? Or maybe you don't want him to be open to views other than your own? I'd really love to hear the reasons you're preventing him from being a normal child and participating in this nation's education system.”

I wanted to say something ignurnt – how I pronounce “ignorant.” Hi! I’m from St. Louis! – something to the effect of “I’m more interested in hearing why I should have to sell you on a decision my family has made?” I love how the kids are classified as freaks. Somebody even e-mailed to call me "Norman Bates' mom" and I was all "Dude - did you just call my kid Norman Bates?"

My child is still participating in the national education system, just from a different classroom. I have to follow the same regulations and laws of other educational facilities. I have to keep the same records, submit (homeschooling laws vary by state) to the same testing.

I’ve said it before; I have nothing against public schools. I LOVE me some public schools. I proudly attended a public school and lookit! People pay me to write from home in my pajamas! I just don’t believe that public or traditional schooling is the panacea for the ages and I don’t believe that it’s the best educational approach for every child. Just as homeschooling doesn’t work for every family, neither does traditional education.

Plus, public schools are different than they were ten years ago. I don’t regard them as student refuges of free thought anymore.

Liam has an insatiable desire to learn. He doesn’t look at school work as “work,” he looks at class work like it’s a fun project. I do not want his desire to learn to be crushed or bogged down by an educational system unable to cater to each individual student (personal attention, talent and skills, and help). Liam showed talent in music early; I don’t want a mammoth learning facility to neuter his abilities or gifts because they may lack the ability to provide encouragement.

I’m also vehemently against the idea that children should be socialized via schools. Schools are a place for learning, not for institutionalized socialization – which is a reason our schools are a collective battleground in the great ideological war, the adults’ war. I don’t want my kids caught up in that.

Homeschooled kids are not without a plethora of opportunities for socialization. I’ve discovered that the hardest part of incorporating social activities is knowing when to draw the line. I could plan a playgroup, field trip, or attend an event with my homeschool co-op nearly every day of the year. Liam has soccer practice, he begins karate in a month, piano lessons, attends Sunday school and Wednesday night classes, and enjoys a bi-weekly playgroup; also the neighbor kids are ALWAYS AT MY HOUSE. Homeschooled kids learn quickly how to get along with people of every age, creed, ethnicity, etc. because they have endless opportunities to step outside the box.

The person who said that kids should only socialize with a limited group of their peers is psycho. I cannot think of anything more hellacious than thirty five-year-olds cooped up in one room. They learn peer pressure and how to socialize with other five-year-olds only. I don’t get how that form of socialization is superior. If I’m cooped up in the house with my kids for one day I start talking like they do. It’s frightening.

Homeschooling isn’t for every family, every parent, or every kid. It’s a personal family choice. My kids aren’t freaks because they are/will be homeschooled, they won’t grow up to live in a shack and mail letter bombs to people, and I’m not a nutjob. I made a decision with the support of my husband, we’re confident that it’s the best decision for our family right now. I preschooled Liam at home this past year to test my ability as a homeschooling parent and it was a phenomenal success. I’m stoked to see what Kindergarten will bring.

I'll tackle the whole "viewpoints" question and other reasons why I homeschool in future posts.

Bonus! Visit the ClubMom homeschool forum.