Training Up a Child

Liam recently started singing opera. He's fascinated by music, even more fascinated with how certain instruments make sounds and that he is capable of making it himself. When he was a toddler he sat at the piano and would hit every key and in turn find its corresponding octave. Chris and I stood and watched him, slack-jawed. We felt two things:

1) How awesome are we? WE TOTALLY MADE A GENIUS. Best Parent Ever award here we come! Can we get honorary memberships in MENSA for this?

2) We felt completely stupid and inadequate as human beings because the most we did at his age was crap in our diapers and pick our noses.

Liam is compelled to seek out music. It works great, as it's what Chris does for a living, so he's never without an teacher or a cheerleader. Because he exhibits so much skill in music, I began to think that he was put on this earth to do something with it.
I believe that each of us has a skill, and that the purpose of life is to figure out that skill and use it for a bigger purpose; along with raising the next generation and helping them find their calling. I don't believe in destiny; I just don't believe in coincidences.

And then I thought about Proverbs 22:6:
"Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it."

I always assumed that this meant to instill a good moral fiber in our kids; to nurture their faith. And then I thought about Liam and about how there has to be a reason he is so musically inclined. As I said, I don't believe in chance.

Then I started thinking that maybe this passage also applies to a child's natural gifts. My job as a parent is to encourage Liam's abilities; I need to facilitate his musical training. It's obviously the way he is meant, and wants, to go. So in addition to nurturing his faith and teaching him how to be a good and faithful person, we're teaching him how he can use his natural talents for a greater purpose, a purpose other than self-glorification.

In a way, it's redefined our homeschooling approach. And if he develops a skill in, and a love for, something else, we'll encourage that, too.

Okay, So the Star Wars Obsession May Have Gone Too Far

(Click for full photo)

Excerpt of an Easter lesson:

“Blue is because the disciples felt blue when Jesus died and they didn’t know if he would return to life.”

“Dad, is that an Anakin sticker? Anakin is awesome.”

“Yes, but the disciples were blue.”

“Anakin’s on a blue egg.”

“Yes, but do you know what blue is for?”

“Yes the disciples were sad and the Anakin sticker is on a blue egg.”

(Also, Liam LOST HIS MIND when he realized that he was going to have to eat the Yoda, Vader, R2, and Threepio eggs. He will not eat anything with a face. This includes Sith lords.)

Nothing Says "Thanks for Dying for My Sins!" Like Tasty Candy

Every year at this time I put up a masthead on my website which depicts a rabbit’s gruesome death. Last year it was a rabbit being stabbed. The year prior it was a roadkill rabbit. It’s not as gory as it sounds but violent, yes. It reflects my perverse sense of humor (and I raise children. HA HA.) and my unadulterated hatred of the Easter Bunny.

I put a moratorium on all things pertaining to the Easter Bunny when we had Liam. I do not like rabbits. Blame it on Monty Python:

(I can't post that clip enough. It never ceases with the funny, does it? NO. The answer is NO.)

I didn’t even want to buy Easter baskets – I didn’t want the slightest encroachment on the meaning of the occasion by anything that wasn’t related to the Christ’s resurrection. But then my mother bought Liam a basket. And so did Chris’ mom. And then I did, because all the other kids had baskets and how bad of a mother would I be if my kid sat on the sidelines while the kids all hunted eggs? And also because I could eat all of the candy.

Last year I bought the boys a chocolate cross because irony is tasty.

This year I wanted to forget about Easter again completely. I know from where the tradition comes; the rabbit is the earthly symbol of a Greek goddess, blah, blah, blah. It doesn’t register with me.

Last night I stopped at Target to pick up laundry detergent. I remembered that it was Easter and that maybe I should buy the boys some pastel M&Ms or something, you know, to commemorate the crucifixition and resurrection of our Lord. Nothing says “thanks for dying for my sins” like some pale blue, green, and pink chocolate candy!
I perused the sloppy aisles of candy bags, chocolate rabbits, Peeps, Dora the Explorer Easter Candy; then I saw it. A Pez lamb dispenser. The lamb’s neck slits open and a fruity sugar cube pops out for crying out loud. Of course, baby animals are born in the spring. Even so, I didn’t see any calves, cubs, or other cute baby critters represented as Pez dispensers. It’s too convenient, the lamb. I honestly felt a bit disgusted. Should I have?

I was going to write something here about how there weren’t any Muhammad Pez dispensers, and Chris told me that I sounded like Bill O’Reilly and I promptly kicked him in the balls. That’s worse than telling me that my butt looks fat in these jeans.

I bought a hollow candy egg and a thing of M&Ms. That’s it. Nothing else. No bubble-making knick-knacks, no gewgaws, nothing. This week I’ve been doing what I can to lock the focus of this holiday on the reason for its inception: the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus. I just realized how much I sound like a preacher. FREAK. Again, I digress.

I take those pastel M&Ms and teach them that the pale pink stands for the blood Jesus shed, because MMM TASTY; the blue is for the loyalty of his disciples and how ye should be so lucky, children to have such kickin’ faith; the green is for everlasting life. I scratch simple scriptures (so that Liam can read some of it) on slips of paper and tuck them into plastic eggs instead of candy. So when the kids do their Easter egg hunt with the fam they’ll open their eggs and instead of candy falling from the fracture its … a piece of paper! TASTY.

This is what bugs me about tradition: it’s so easy to lose the original meaning, the intent. Tradition is easy and fun to commercialize. It’s attractive. It looks nice on store shelves. I just want my kids to realize that. And then hand the candy over to me.

Shut Up, Pat Robertson

I’m going out on a limb here, this could be dangerous. However, this is deserving.

Pat Robertson, you do not talk to God, no more than anybody else does. You are not Jesus’ favorite simply because you’re on a campy “news” network and claim to be a Christian. You are not the new Nostradamus simply because you make these way out predictions and say outrageous things. That makes you Rosie O’Donnell, not Nostradamus.

Would you like to know why some people are hostile to Christians? Because of people like you, Pat Robertson:

“'Pat Robertson predicted Tuesday that a terrorist attack on the United States would result in "mass killing" late in 2007.
"I'm not necessarily saying it's going to be nuclear," he said during his news-and-talk television show "The 700 Club" on the Christian Broadcasting Network. "The Lord didn't say nuclear. But I do believe it will be something like that.’”

“Well, the Lord didn’t say ‘nuclear’ per say, but he did say that He, in His Almighty Righteousness, would like for me to have a million dollars.” Whatever Pat. Shut up. Maybe I would like you if what spewed from your mouth was on line with what is in the Bible. [my quote]

“"I have a relatively good track record," he said.”Sometimes I miss."

Hi, contradictory much? If Robertson is claiming that God is telling him these things, how can he be wrong? How can He be wrong? To assert that God gave him this information and yet that it has sometimes been incorrect is invalid simply because in Christianity, God is omnipotent, all-knowing. He isn’t wrong, ever.

Nice slip there, Pat. By chance, Mr. Robertson, have you checked out 1 Corinthians 13:8, wherein it states that love has outlasted all of those gifts “…But where there are prophecies, they will cease …?”

Do I really believe that out of all people to confer with, God is going to pick some big-mouthed religious broadcaster who says things like the reason Ariel Sharon had a stroke was because God was punishing him? Pat Robertson is a snake oil salesman and he and those like him are the reason that I left church during my teen years and almost never came back. I saw the discrepancies between what they were preaching and what was actually printed in the Bible. I wanted no part of that sort of organized religion.

Whenever Pat opens his mouth I cringe. I become very angry. I’m angry because he is misleading. Whether he is purposefully misleading for way of personal gain or just really that ignorant, I don’t know. I don’t claim to know. All I know is that stuff like this is wrong and not representative of my faith. It puts a heavier burden of stereotype upon my shoulders that I have to associate myself with a man who claims the faith, too.

Merry Christmas

That pretty much sums it up for me. (cross-posted because how could you not?)

My Problem with Santa

I don’t like Santa. In all reality, the whole tradition sort of creeps me out. I think he's a distraction but because I've compromised with Chris on the whole Santa thing I tell the kids that he works for God and hope that suffices.

Each year we buy three, non-extravagant gifts for our kids. Jesus got three gifts, they shouldn’t get any more, or any really, as I’ve spent the past two years explaining to Liam that you don’t get presents on someone else’s birthday; a really difficult concept for him to grasp especially when Ewan’s birthday comes around.

So they don’t get any more than three presents.

This year I spent more per-person on two teenage girls who live at a church-run orphanage down south than I did on anyone else, including my own children. Every year our church erects a diminutive Christmas tree in the foyer and decorates it with tags bearing names of kids from the orphanage. Included on each tag is a gift that the child would like for Christmas and the child’s age.

I picked the girls; one requested a gift of makeup; the other wanted earrings and jewelry. I couldn’t imagine life as a teenage girl, going through the tumultuous ups and downs of pubescence and being perhaps the only girl in my high school without makeup.

We’re not rich, but I spent over a hundred dollars on their gifts combined. I made sure to get good grade costume jewelry and earrings that wouldn’t irritate the girl’s ears and I took care to buy good foundation and other makeup for the second girl so you couldn’t tell the price of her cosmetics by the orange tint on her face. The boys helped me wrap each gift and were in charge of selecting the name tags and tissue paper. They were also responsible for making sure that the gifts got under the tree at church for transport to the children’s home.

I didn’t do it to make a statement or to glorify myself; I did it because a) we’re called to care for others in the Bible and b) if my kids didn’t have Chris or I, or any family, to care for them I would want them looked after.

Christmas isn’t about candy canes, getting presents for yourself, Santa Claus and cookies. That’s not what Christmas is about at all and if I have to live with such a bastardized interpretation of this occasion then I’m going to make sure that it only serves as icing on the cake; an enhancement to the mood.

When the boys get older they will be responsible for sponsoring a child each Christmas with their own allowance. Pattern yourselves after the story of Santa, I'll say. I don’t believe in the validity of any faith that doesn’t teach to give back or care for others more than for yourself – I also don’t believe in the validity of any faith that doesn’t put this into action. It can be hard sometimes, but if you don’t try, what’s the point? This is what I hope to teach my kids, even if the behavior is never reciprocated.

G.I. Jesus

Seriously, I laughed out loud when I read this article: “Toys for Tots Rejects Jesus Doll.”

I think it’s amusing that people value political correctness over whether or not a kid will have a toy with which to play. I see their point, but I think it’s all dramadramadrama.

This is what had me going:

“Grein also questioned whether children would welcome a gift designed for religious instruction. 'Kids want a gift for the holiday season that is fun,' he said.”

I have to admit that like a G.I. Jesus™ with parachute capabilities and respectively-sized Hummer would be way cooler.

Gawd No! Not the Sex Talk!

The other day Liam asked me how a baby gets in the mama’s belly.

I imagined that the tiny, mythical workers in my head were called to action by a sonically abrasive alarm and they worked frantically, pulling levers, pushing buttons, anything they could do to keep me sane and upright while having this conversation with my five-year-old son.

“Um,” I choked “from God. God puts them in there.”

“Oh,” Liam said, reflective. “Cool.” Then he just walked away. A jubilant announcement rang through my head: “CRISES AVERTED! CRISIS AVERTED!”

Aside from saving my soul, etc, etc, never before was I so glad to believe in God because, wow, TOTALLY off the hook with that one.

How to Answer This without Getting Pelted by the Peanut Gallery

I’m often asked about my religious views, where I stand exactly in the scheme of things, or even where my church stands.

Melissa asks:
Hi Dana,
I've read in the past on your main blog that Chris's father is a CoC preacher, is that correct? I've always wondered how he & his church are with your more liberal views (liberal compared to most CoC docturine) about drinking. I grew up in the CoC and so I know that most CoC's are very strict in regards to that. Do you just attend a more liberal church?
I'm just curious. Thanks!

You are correct; my father-in-law actually married me and Chris. AWW.

I don’t like to frame things as being liberal or conservative, especially in context of religion. To those not familiar, I’m a church of Christer, and churches of Christ don’t value traditions. That’s not to slight traditions or pass a good or bad judgment over them; we just don’t place a value on them, period. At least, that’s a reason the non-denomination convened in the first place. 

We’re not bound by anything that Jesus himself isn’t bound by, meaning we follow the Gospels. Really, my views aren’t considered “liberal” in my church and my church isn’t considered “liberal.” There are other CoCs, however, that have a very legalistic approach to worship, which I personally don’t agree with. I’ve learned that legalism in religion is synonymous with “conservative,” and an excess in “liberalism” is synonymous with charismatic.

I know some churches of Christ that are terrified to allow their congregation to clap their hands during song because they think that it will lead to people rolling in the aisles and talking in tongues. As a result, they’ve decreed no joy! No joy in church! I myself have left three different churches because of excess in either legalism or charisma. I felt that the worship was obscured by their traditions. I realize to some that may sound absolutely heathen, but there it is.

As far as drinking, etc. (a ban on which sounds Baptist, the denomination in which I grew up, not CoC to me); we have freedom in Christ. Obviously, we’re not to press our luck and take advantage of this, but Christianity means the opposite of limitations when discussing freedom.

I hope I answered that well enough and also without setting anybody off. Am I crazy, or is there an unspoken tension between most denominations?

Thanks for the awesome question!

Holy-Glo

I got an idea after reading a recent post from Amy – and for the record, her job is to collect posts from all over the blogosphere and she has given lots o' luvin to homeschooling stuff. It just gave me an idea that I think there maybe two types of Christians out there and how I've never thought of myself as one of the obnoxious ones, at least in this sense.

When Chris’s business partner first began dating a woman who later became a good friend of mine, he took her aside prior to a dinner date with us and instructed: “Now they are religious and stuff. Like, holy. Be good, don’t talk about religion and watch your mouth.”
You know, because expletives would cause the halos to slip from our heads or tarnish our “holy-glo.” If you believe that I have a bridge to sell you.

While I appreciated our friends’ respectful reservations, I found them hysterical. We are not robots, just everyday people. Faith is a very clumsy walk. We’re admitted screw-ups, not pretentious Bible-thumpers who lord it over everybody, people who support that whole “pay-for-inclusion” type of faith. Well, I can’t speak for everyone. Honestly, I feel like I get a bad rap because of those people, but that’s a whole other post, one that I’m not too hip on tackling just yet, if ever because I am certain that Benny Hinn himself would finally have enough and show up on my doorstep to kick my backside.

And we know that I would win. Have you seen my pipes?

People shouldn’t feel like they have to walk on eggshells around people of faith, nor should people feel like they have to lash out or make fun of them because they can’t find a more creative means to express their disagreement.

Christians are people, too. We put our pants legs on one at a time, but once our pants are on, we make gold records. I COULD NOT HELP IT.

I used to not feel so sensitive about the issue until a few years ago, when a good friend of mine told me point-blank verbatim that I was “brainwashing” my kids because I took them to Sunday school and church. I was angry because I respected their non-belief and I wondered they couldn’t summon enough respect for my belief. It’s a double-standard that I’m still sensitive about to this day.  I eventually excluded the friend from my life because I was tired of dealing with the non-stop judgment. I cannot party with those people.

We know that we have freedom in Christ. Jesus never said “Thou shalt not ever drink again and lo, from this day on thou shall give up any and all fun for a life of no-frills servitude.” We have fun. You’re supposed to have fun. We drink wine. I know, shocking, but we do. We’re not Edgar Allan Poe-drunks, but we are pretty big wine connoisseurs. We have friends who go to church, friends who don’t, friends of varied denominations and some friends of completely different religions. I’ve never felt like I couldn’t be friends with someone or hang out with someone simply because they didn’t share my mindset.

Liam and Ewan are the same way; some of Liam’s closest friends are both church and non-church kids. They don’t know the difference at that age.

I’m glad that the friends we have who aren’t Christians are open-minded enough to feel the same way, because they’re some good friends. We might’ve missed out if we hadn’t gotten over our misconceptions.