Melting Point

I reached my melting point this morning. I lost my temper and lasers shot from my eyes and I cut down everything in sight.

It started yesterday. Work, which normally isn’t heavy at all but this week brings triple deadlines, which still isn’t that bad of a problem. It’s the stress from Chris’s work. It’s the stress of this house, getting it ready for market. Staying within our budget this Christmas without seeming cheap. It’s the children. Playgroup was cancelled all this week so the children fought with each other over every itty bitty scrap of toy found in the house. Liam would find something and employ his older age and height to keep it from Ewan’s hands and Ewan, well Ewan LOST HIS MIND, he was disenfranchised, gawd, THE INJUSTICE.

When you homeschool your children you cannot not socialize them, otherwise they go all feral and destroy each other and the house.

I worked in blocks yesterday; alternating between Liam’s classes, household chores, taking the kids outside since it was a beautiful day. I wrangled my mother into coming over two nights this week after work so she could watch the boys while I worked. Both nights after she left I worked into the night.

So I’ve been homeschooling, making sure my children don’t set the house on fire, and writing. I’ve done a smidge of laundry – sitting clean and folded in baskets for three days now – and I made a weak attempt at vacuuming. Last night Chris eyed one of his shirts on top of the basket and made a note to wear it today. Except that after meeting my first deadline last night, I put away most of the laundry in an effort to wind down before bed. He stumbled frantically around our bedroom this morning, searching for the shirt. He was angry; he’d checked the basket and everywhere else but his drawer. I felt bad for that but furious because I felt as though I was working double over everyone else. I don’t have a regular babysitter or regular help. Yet. When we move closer to the co-op, it’s “Hello teenage girls who are actively looking for babysitting jobs! What? You don’t want much payment because your mom is going to log your hours under Home-Ec?” God bless America. 

Oh, right, shirt! I told him that he should’ve put it away himself if he wanted to wear that shirt this morning.

He was all “Hey I work,” and I was all Regan from “The Exorcist,” like, how dare he compare his job to my job, a job I do while at home, while homeschooling, while caring for two children. WHERE IS MY GOLD MEDAL? Horns sprouted from my head, steam rose from my nostrils, my head did one full revolution while attached to my neck.
It was hot.

It’s fifty-something degrees here right now. I’m suspending class for the day and we’re going to sit outside in the sun and recoup. Who else is having a day like this? There's strength in numbers.

Comments

[merkin4]

I feel your pain. Really, I do.

I remember waking up the wife at 4 AM to finish loading the car as we prepared to move to St. Louis. We had the house on the market, and I'd been up until 2 AM trying to do some final cleaning. As I transferred the portable TV, the vacuum, the ice chest, and the towels to the car in preparation for the 22-hour drive, my wife spread out on the air mattress in the living room, covered up with a blanket, and mumbled "wake me up when it's time to leave...."

It's hard to feel like you've got no support and no appreciation for the work you do, the stuff that only you care about, and the hole that would be left if you weren't there. I often get thinking that everyone at my house would be better off if they just returned me to the bad daddy store and started over. But, I remember my mom. She stayed at home until the youngest kid was about 10. My parents came to every game that involved a drive of under two hours. They made it to the concerts, they cracked the whip on homework, and were, just -- there. The best memories I have of my teenage years are of doing dishes with my mom - the brothers would all scatter, leaving me a little time to myself with her. Looking back, there's no way I would trade that for an extra thousand square feet of house, a better car in the driveway, or even a family trip to Hawaii or something like that. Having a mom in the house is a luxury item equal to or exceeding having a BMW convertible in the driveway. It's time we realized that, and gave Mom the appreciation she deserves.

Part of the rewards Mom gets now, though, are when people ask what her kids are doing. Banker, PhD, mechanical engineer, webmaster.... She beats the other moms hands down when it comes to bragging rights.

[LeAnn]

Bad days be darned. I wish they did not exist, and honestly they wouldnt be so bad if we all didnt try so hard to make it. It seems like the harder you try to make things work the worse it is when you feel like its not. Note I said feel*.

I say feel because while you may think you are losing the battle you aren't. You are just in the midst of a lot of turmoil while changing battefields. That is not easy. Plus how many generals in war dealt with two children (one in the midst of potty training) while dealing with the casualites and planning strategy? MMM my guess is none.

I am glad to hear you are spending time outstide and I am doubly glad the weather is permitting. It sounds like you need a bit of a break, and I see how hard those can be to come by.

Take care of yourself and breathe. Its ok that the laundry all didnt get done, its ok your house isnt perfectly vacuumed. At the end of the day, no matter how bad or hectic, you were there for your family supporting them,loving them, and encouraging them. That is what matters the most.

[Lorraine]

ME! I have days like that too often. And oh my word... if my DH had said something like that to me, I probably would have gone all "Pyscho" or something on him. We actually had to suspend classes for the rest of the week because there is just too much for me to do right now, and my DS doesn't want to be near me when I'm this stressed. (I don't blame him... I don't want to be near me either!)

Breaks are good. The system I use (K12.com) holds mini conferences for parents online (sessions are recorded so I can attend whenever). The latest one was how to have fun with school and the holidays. I wrote up my notes I took on the session at my blog here - http://www.yuriar.com/wp/?p=555 -

Here's hoping the rest of your day gets much better!

[charlie]

Meditation is a good thing to teach when you're stressed.

[Paige]

Dana, I have never commented on Since Eve before but I visit often. I can't pretend to understand your frustrating day because I don't have children yet. I can only imagine how difficult and rewarding it must be to be a stay at home mom AND homeschool.

I also wanted to say that the first comment by merkin4 was beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. He reminds of my husband and I hope I never take him for granted. My husband's family didn't have much money when he was growing up but had a lot of love. He was fortunate enough to have a mom who stayed home even though they lived off of one teacher's salary in a 6 person family. I know that he wouldn't have changed a thing.

[e.]

Hey Dana,
Like Paige, I cannot even begin to fathom what you must feel like. But Merkin's comment nearly brought tears into my eyes. The most beautiful thing I have ever seen is the way my Grandfather looked at my Grandmother as he was dying, and the way his 8 children were comforting him,singing to him and loving him as he left this world. My Grandparents raised 8 children on a truck drivers income (they also raised me) while my parents worked. The thing that I am most thankful for is my tight-knit family who always helped each other out when things were tough. My mother stayed home with me as long as she could and always wanted to be a SAHM, but sometimes it's not possible.

Merkin is right, one day you will have major "bragging rights" and Liam and Ewan will make you proud. I just know it.

Love ya!
E.

[d]

I am a mother of 4 boys including twins who are 2. I don’t home school and can’t imagine it for my boys.

I am having lots of bad days. We have lots of love and laughter in the house. But ... man some days are tough. My husband travels alot for work and works long hours; the older boys have homework, activities; and 2 in the terrible 2 phase (I don’t need to say anymore there). We have no family in town to help out.

I look at other moms who can do it all; or at least it seems they can. I can have fun with the kids or provide dinner/do laundry but can’t seem to balance both things.

Some day we will look back with pride.

Just remember, we are doing the best we can. Everything doesn’t need to be perfect.

[Big Al]

I read what Chris said and I almost audiblized "Uh oh"... I know better than that.. My wife works WAY WAY harder than I do. And, "Stay At Home Mom" is an oxymoron, in her case anyway. She's always off running around, going for this and doing that. There is very little time for "Staying At Home" for mom.. (Now, our kids are 17 and 14(today, in fact!), and they go to public school, so the situation is nowhere near the same, but...)

Maybe there will be flowers in hand when Chris comes home today. At least there ought to be...

[Melody]

To quote a wise woman...Oh my Gawd! I just flew into full madness with my 3 homeschooled boys who are behaving more like animals than humans lately. I just sat them at the kitchen table to copy The Bible from Genesis to Revelation. But I'm rethinking my position and am going to set them free into the wilderness to play.

[sprittibee]

"I reached my melting point this morning. I lost my temper and lasers shot from my eyes and I cut down everything in sight."

HAHAHA.

I think we were created at the same cyborg droid factory. Don't worry. After the initial explosion, the gears will cool and you will not malfunction again until the next equally retarded thing your husband or children do. ;)

[katdandy]

As I've commented many times before, I don't know how you do it!! You are so dedicated and a great, fun parent. Husbands are just big b#st*rds sometimes. I believe that they are just jealous of our vast multitasking talent. You deserve a break. Get a sitter, get the chores caught up and go out and have some me-time. Loooooove!

[ofcourseyourinsane]

You are doing more than triple duty and did I understand your house is up for sale to boot? I think what would help is getting the recognition that you are doing triple duty 24/7. While sad, but not uncommon husbands think all they have to do is goto work and then they should be waited on hand and foot. Yes, you will say he is not a bad guy, in fact he is a nice guy. But it seems to me the rage is really coming from here. Nice guys can be lazy too. So he is nice and lazy where his family obligations are concerned. Address this and you won't go nuts no matter how much is on your plate. This happened to me too. I homeschooled two kids, had my house up for sale (8 months), and two puppies to boot. So everytime someone wanted to see the house I had to pack us all up into the car and go somewhere. It can be done. But somethings gotta give, usually I would say housework, but in this case not even that. Honestly, kick your man's butt or leave him alone to do it for a week and see how he does. He will be enrolling those kids back in to public school because he can't do what you do and work at the same time. You're a goddess and he needs to realize it -- or find a man who does get you and treats you with the respect due a wife. Laziness breeds disrespect in your heart for your husband (or partner) period.