In Search of a Father

When I was a kid I would pray every night for a new dad. My issues with my own estranged father are known. I felt like God had gypped me out of a father and this made me angry. My little family was fractured; like discarded pieces of pottery. I was furious with God, though I still prayed every night, begging Him to change His mind.
“What kind of plan is this?!” I prayed angrily.
I was also furious with my father. A self-righteous indignation was borne from my rage, a rage I’ve nursed throughout my life. A grudge I never gave up.

I’ve talked about how I left my religion; that which I felt condemned by in life – the lack of a father – was the very thing that brought me back. Sneaky sneak, that God. I recognized God as the only constant paternal authority figure in my life, the penultimate Father. Though sometimes the paths He led me down seemed beyond insane, they always ended purposefully and I came out enlightened.
“You’ve never done me wrong before,” I prayed, though I felt He never answered my prayer about a real father.

So I became a daughter of God. I got married and had kids. One evening, as I watched Chris play with Liam, an enlightened realization hit me with a freakishly cold chill and brought me to tears. I realized that my prayer had been answered. I was looking right at it. In Chris I have the father I’d fervently prayed for and the husband that I’ve always wanted. My prayer was answered, not as I expected, but in the way best for me.

I stood there, my mouth gaped open in shock. I looked idiotic.

Chris stopped wrestling with Liam and looked at my bewildered expression.

“What? What on earth is the matter?”

“Nothing,” I replied. “I just realized something, that’s all.”

It just took awhile.

Happy Father’s Day.

Comments

[Karen E.]

Just beautiful. Thanks.

[Raquita Henderson]

very very cool Dana... too cool.

[Chris]

I love you! Thank you for saying such sweet things about me... but I have to admit that I am just a little miffed that you made me cry in front of the talent. hahaha. I am sooo blessed to be with you.

[Melonie K.]

Well, I was just about to complain that you made me cry too but now that I know I'm in good company, I'll just say Amen. ;-)

[Cheryl Hart]

Oh Dana. You do seem to have a talent for making people cry! You are right on the mark though.
The Lord, in His wisdom, has a plan for each one of us. It is His plan.
We may never know why He gives us the things He does, trials or tribulations.
I've had many people ask would I live my life over the same way. I have to answer yes. If I did anything differently I would not be the lucky woman I am today. I have a lovely daughter, a pistol of a grandaughter, a wonderful husband, and a marvelous new son-in-law. If I had not been through the things I've been through I would not be able to truly appreciate the things I have now.
Everything the Lord gives us is a lesson, we just have to choose to learn what He is trying to teach us.